Filed under so dumb

Lunchtime Sing-a-long

Lunchtime Sing-a-long

A friend at work forwarded me the below email that I had sent her almost a year ago. It reminds me how much I love baked potatoes, and also how good I am at writing songs. From: Breanne S Sent: Tuesday, July 26, 2011 11:38 AM To: Melissa E Subject: ooooh whoooooa I just wrote … Continue reading

Free South Texas Medical Consultation!

Free South Texas Medical Consultation!

So, you don’t feel well and you live in South Texas? Well, kind reader, there’s no need to look any further — I have the answer to your sicky woes. With today’s technology (along with my incredible insightfulness (which Computer tells me isn’t a word but I’m going to go with it anyway)), there is … Continue reading

Spartanburg Electronics Clearance!

Seriously, people. If you live in South Carolina, Spartanburg specifically, stop trying to buy electronics in parking lots. I know Best Buy is really a drag, but at least they give you actual electronics in return for your money. Last week, a 22 year old girl bought an “ipad” for $180 at a McDonald’s. Apparently, … Continue reading

Magnets

INT. BOX FACTORY – MORNING Breanne is working when she overhears the Production Manager and VP of San Antonio talking in the VP’s office, right next to hers. They’re talking about magnets, presumably about their contribution to the giant machinery in the plant. Breanne stops working and pokes her head in the office. BREANNE (interrupting) … Continue reading

Nicknames at the Office

INT. BOX FACTORY – DAY PRODUCTION MGR – hands Breanne a camera Hey. BREANNE Hey T-Bone. PRODUCTION MGR Why do you keep calling me that? BREANNE It’s my new nickname for you. Do you like it? PRODUCTION MGR No, I don’t. Can you please email me the photos on that camera? BREANNE Not until you … Continue reading

Songs That I Don’t Know

You know those songs that you think you know the words to until you’re actually singing them in public and everyone stares at you? As I grow older, I’m coming across more and more of those. Most of these songs are songs that I’ve “known” since childhood… little did I know, I was living a … Continue reading

Stupid Forgettingness

This morning, our HR lady bought a bunch of nice, big, ripe peaches and brought them to the office. She brought me one after lunch that she had put aside for me, since I had missed the rush and clamor that morning of all the fatties trying to get to the food first (I am … Continue reading

Animals at the Office

I work in the middle of nowhere. No, seriously. Across the street from the office, there is a giant lumber warehouse. One one side of us, there is a grove of trees and on the other side is a corn field (or cabbage, or cauliflower, or whatever’s in season). So, with us being away from … Continue reading

Wait… what?

I got a phone call from mom while I was at lunch. Approximate transcript as follows. INT. WHATABURGER – SMALL BOOTH – LUNCHTIME Me: <phone rings, volume is set too loud. Ringtone: Muffin Top> Y….ello. Mom: Hi. Where are you? Me: Uh… Whataburger? Why? Mom: Do you have a lawyer? Me: … … what? Mom: … Continue reading